An Ode to the Family Bed

When I was pregnant with Adela, I read "On Becoming Babywise" hungrily and with confidence. I was certain that the tenants its authors touted were the answers to all my baby-rearing queries. For those of you who haven't yet had the pleasure of becoming parents (or reading Babywise), the book is a bible for rigid, scheduled and non-attachment parenting (i.e. feed your baby on a strict 3-4 hour schedule, put your baby to sleep while she is awake, paying little mind to the screams, play with your baby for a certain number of minutes each day, etc. etc. etc.) It made so much sense to me when I was still pregnant. The things that resonated most with me were the ideas that babies need to learn to put themselves to sleep and that they feel anxiety when it's up to them to determine when they want to eat and sleep. At 7 months pregnant, I was on my way to becoming Babywise.

Then Adela was born and everything changed. I mean, it happened as early as our first days in the hospital when I could literally feel her need to be physically close to me. At one point, the militant Russian nurse who was our nighttime caretaker both nights yelled at me for sleeping in the hospital bed with Adela in my arms. I pretended not to be sleeping, so she would go away and leave me to it.

Adela's and my need to be near each other didn't diminish when we left hospital and when she was her tiniest, I would sleep on the couch with her on my chest (I have never slept better in all my life). Then, she got bigger and it became dangerous to sleep with just a loose hold on her so we moved to the bed. She would begin her nights in her bassinet, but then by her first feeding, I would bring her into the bed with me to nurse her back to sleep. We tried to be conventional. We really did. But as it turned out, the entire family slept better when we were all cuddled up together. With a 5AM wake-up call, my husband needs his rest and with an inherent crankiness, so do I!

Anyway, what I am really trying to get to here is that, at night, when I am in bed with my husband and my baby girl and I can hear the snores of my two giant Labrador Retrievers on the floor nearby, I feel completely whole-- like I have everything in the world anyone could ever want. In the six short months since Adela was born, I have learned one very important thing: life goes by very fast. With that in mind, I am proud to share the bed with the whole family. I know the authors of Babywise (and my own mother) would balk at this rationale, but I wouldn't trade these magical moments for any predictable schedule or routine.

I know now that I can't sustain this co-sleeping indefinitely (especially if I want to make another baby, which I do). I know it's just going to get harder to wean (us all) from it, but for right now (like tonight and tomorrow night and maybe a couple more), I am savoring this ever so primal expression of familial love.