Calgon! Take me AWAY!!!!

I actually have reached a point in my life when I understand those Calgon commercials.

This is SO HARD. I think of the people who work tirelessly and have such difficulty getting pregnant and I know I shouldn't complain. I am blessed with these little angels from heaven, but sometimes, they don't seem like angels.

Yesterday morning, I found myself sitting on the floor in my kitchen, crying and praying to a god I have never even been certain of. Addy was throwing a complete tantrum (the reason for which I've completely forgotten), Flora was screaming bloody murder for yet another feeding (she'd live attached to my boob... ouch) and the GD dogs were following me around the house, panting and clickety-clacking their nails on the hardwood (hoping that in the midst of the hysteria, I was going to take them to... the park?). As I sat on the floor praying for grace in this moment of complete chaos, I thought of a time in my life when I had virtually no responsibility-- college.

When I was in college, at Boston University, my biggest decisions were those involving which classes I was going to take. I would scan the course guide for hours, imagining the possibilities. I thought it was HARD! Second biggest decisions were: what I was going to do on Saturday night and what I was going to wear to the class with the cute guy. Ugh. As trivial as it now seems, life seemed hard then. Life seems hard now. Logic is getting to me a scary place right now: am I going to look back someday at this time and laugh because the really hard stuff is yet to come??? Oh god, no (there's that mystery god again). I don't think anything could be harder than raising a toddler and a newborn simultaneously while planning an overseas move and coping with a sick mother and an alcoholic father, but of course... that's how I see it now.

Ahhh.... give me grace to get through this day... just this day...